It's The Law

Have you ever stopped to think, during the course of your day, just how many of your actions and decisions are guided by the invisible, long arm of the law?

Every time you put on your seat-belt or every time you refrain from poisoning your Husband's Spaghetti Bolognese because he still can't remember to put the toilet seat down after fourteen years of marriage, do you tip your hat in recognition of all things legal? Do you pat yourself on the back for being the law-abiding citizen that you are?

I know that I'm certainly influenced by what is legal and what is not. After all... there have been numerous times when I've fancied popping off to St. Louis for some fun with the gang - but have had to cancel at the last minute because "it is illegal to drink beer out of a bucket while you're sitting on a curb".
Well, EXCUSE me! Who thought of this doozy? Which party pooper was in a bad mood that day?
Why else would you go to St. Louis if you weren't going to drink beer out of a bucket on the curb?


But the Law is not entirely punitive or enacted just to ruin your fun.
After all, it is reassuring to know that in Alabama "it is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle".
This certainly helps cut down on the accident rates. And it keeps people honest too. Look, if it was legal to wear a blindfold, how many folks out there do you think would be cheating? Trying to sneak a peak from underneath? Or using a see-through material so they could still make out the lines in the middle of the road?
Hey - they say that the law is supposed to be a deterrent ... And I think this one really proves that old chestnut. As long as you're not blind-folded then you don't have to cheat and lie, right?

Some laws are actually fair.
It appeals to my benevolent nature that in Ohio "it is illegal to get a fish drunk"; and in Kansas, you are "prohibited from shooting rabbits from a motorboat". I mean, come on, a boat is not a steady place from which to fire a gun. That wouldn't be fair at all. Your ammo would be flying all over the place. How "fair" of an aim would that be?
Yep. Keeping a balance works for me.

Going through all of these laws, though, has made me realize that if every law on the books was observed and enforced, many of us would be up the creek without a paddle, so to speak. And the creek would be filled with all kinds - not just your low life, drug dealer kind but also your low life, politician kind. For instance, Rudy Giuliani would have had three strikes and been out if he'd been living in Florida because "men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown".
And the only doors that Sarah Palin would have been walking through in Texas would have been those of the county jail given that "it is illegal to shoot buffalo from the second story of a Hotel."

Some laws are just misguided. They kind of miss the point. In Florida it would be illegal for me to "sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit". But frankly, it should be illegal just to have me attired in a swimsuit in the first place. Singing or not. That would be a crime against humanity by itself.
And in California it is illegal for "women" to "drive in a house-coat".
You can tell it was a man who thought that one up. All us women know that the minute you get in to the car, your house-coat morphs in to your car-coat.
What do you think we're made of? Money?

But the laws that really disturb me are the one's that make you wonder what the hell was going on for someone to have to come up with it in the first place??
In Florida, again, "having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal". Well, I should damn well think so! Can you imagine the pain that this would cause? What kind of person would hurt a porcupine in this way? Unbelievable.

And in Wilbur, Washington, "riding an ugly horse is illegal".
Are YOU going to be the one to tell the horse that it's ugly?
Because I'm not going to go down that lonesome, dusty trail.

And in Baltimore, Maryland "no one may take a Lion to a Movie Theater"
Do I have to say more?
It makes you wonder where we are on the evolutionary scale doesn't it?

But as I come to the end here, there are some laws out there that I am SURE were created just to wind me up.
In Indiana, "liquor stores may not sell milk".
Why can't I shop for myself AND shop for my child all at the same time? Why do I have to pick up my twelve pack and then drive to the grocery store with beer spilling all over my crotch? It's just not right.
And in New York, "it is against the law to throw a ball at someone's head for fun".
So there goes my evening's entertainment. What else is there to do with your husband on a regular basis that may be classed as fun?
That's right! I can think of nothing either!

In finishing here today, though, I would like to give a shout out to Texas who seems to have some of the most courteous laws on the books (in between those that take the Gold medal for most bigoted or antiquated) ...
BUT, in Texas, "a recently passed anti-crime law requires criminals to give their victims twenty four hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed".
The even weirder part of this would be if the "victim" acted as polite as the criminal and stuck around waiting for the whole thing to take place ... "Well ... you said you were coming and were kind enough to let us know that you'd be bringing a gun and a rope and all ... and it would have been just plain rude of me not to be here now, wouldn't it?? So do your worst and don't forget to wash up before leaving now, you hear me?"

Tea anyone??????

L.


Laws taken from a children's book by Kathi Linz
and the web site LawGuru