The elimination process

Even though I am now forty years of age and have been living in the U.S. since I was eighteen, there are parts of my British cultural heritage that are never far from the surface. I grew up in England, all my family resides in England and I guess my sense of humor never really strayed far from the shores of that green and rain soaked Isle either.

Now, "Brits" are often associated with a number of peculiar obsessions and inexplicable conventions, such as an unhealthy preoccupation with the weather, a manic need to brew tea on the hour every hour, a penchant for avoiding basic dentistry and a widely questioned fixation with the placement of the letter "U" in as many words as humanly possible. Moreover, the Brits are often characterized as being somewhat unemotional if not frigid followers of customary behaviors and as people who operate with a sense of decorum whilst supporting a "stiff-upper-lip." (A term, I might add, that originated in the U.S of A. - according to Bill Bryson's historical study - Made in America).

OK. Given this set of cultural idiosyncrasies, it may seem odd that one British obsession that supersedes all of these quaint and seemingly innocuous virtues is a full blown infatuation with "the bowels". And I mean ... FULL BLOWN.
Not a conversation goes by in my household, or over the phone with my family, without some intestinal reference which usually progresses into an outright description and play-by-play rehash of today's "evacuation" events and processes. We are aware of this, we know it's probably viewed as quirky to say the least. But it is what it is.

So. Imagine my delight this morning whilst listening to reports on our current economic crisis when I learned that the one bright spot in all of this, the one sure-fire item, the one recession proof product in our country today is ..... Toilet paper!!! Yes, folks! Toilet paper!

You know... the fact that "everyone poops" and everyone will continue to poop; and that fact that there is truly no end to the poop and that there is no escape from the poop just seems to validate all those times when I start a conversation with my sister by saying, "Oh, I'm glad I caught the phone - I just got off the Loo"; and she will reply, "Me too! I've been three times already today and thought I was never going to get out of there!"

Oh how it warms the innards of my little Brit soul to know that there will never be a deficit of defecation or the necessary accompanying commodities.

L.