As I'm sure we all know, in today's crippling economy, it is tough to keep up with the cost of the latest and greatest leading beauty solutions. Especially if your need for "solutions" is as prolific as mine.
So, given that necessity is the Mother of Invention - and I have nothing if not an all-consuming necessity - I set forth on a quest to "treat" my ever-growing pustule problem with, perhaps, a lesser branded zit removal option that I could afford.
Now, before you all start shouting "Tea Tree Oil" or "Peroxide" or "Surgical removal - Hell, just lance that puppy right off," I must inform you that we are currently undergoing a cold spell that is SOoooo frigid and icy that it really restrains any plans that involve not only going outside the home - but any plans that potentially involve any movement away from the home.
It is SOooo cold that I actually considered and then executed the crazy idea of just standing outside to see if I could undergo a kind of natural cryosurgical removal of my own.
My finger nails turned black, my eyes froze in a general eastward gaze and my breath solidified in the approximate area of my lungs making it hard to exhale.
But my defiant and hardy pustule was not phased in the least. In fact, it stood more grandly to attention - more radiant than before. Preservation by freezing, I guess.
So that didn't work.
And my left nostril is still malfunctioning.
But moreover, proving my point that it is too darn cold to go and buy ANYTHING - from ANYWHERE - natural or not.
So.
To phase two.
My usual phase, by the way, in this kind of climate.
Well... In any kind of climate.
I default to the computer and search.
I clicked through lemon juice and orange peel and cucumber and vinegar and alcohol swabs and eye of newt. But nothing caught my attention until I came to ... TOOTHPASTE.
No ordinary toothpaste, if you please. But toothpaste with "Whitening" and "Cavity Protection" and preferably "Mouth Wash" and not "liquidy" but "congealy" and "sticky".
All these properties, so I was informed, would act as an anti-bacterial and an anti-inflammatory. Which would engulf my throbbing pustule and murder it unwittingly by slowly cutting off it's air supply and killing the army of red, angry cells surrounding the base and starving the colony as a whole in to a slow and withering death.
Sounded just about right.
And lucky me, I had just the very, exact, necessary toothpaste in my closet.
What a stroke of luck!
Crest with Whitening with Scope!
(Insert visual of toothy, white grin with a ping and a flash).
But here's where it gets serious - well, mostly.
It actually works!
The recommendation was to leave the "affected" area covered overnight. The only downside being that you will smell just lovely and minty fresh all night long.
Ooh ... I think that was their attempt at humor...
But someone had obviously not thought of the fact that the paste may get all over your bed sheets - or your dog - or your mannequin - or whatever else you have in your bed at night.
So I overcame this minor hurdle by wearing MY paste during the day time.
I wasn't going anywhere.
My son was at school.
I had the full eight hours to devote.
And the only person mildly surprised was the UPS guy delivering a Christmas package - and I'm sure he's seen much worse in his time.
Then, I took it off to sleep.
Put it back on again the next day.
And what da ya know ... ?
Do you remember how the Wicked Witch of The West seemed to implode and evaporate once doused in water?
Well.
That was my zit.
Only when the zit was gone, there were no dramatic visual effects. No crumbling flakes of ash-like skin or swirling smoke indicating that the evil had been defeated.
But it WAS gone.
And there you have it.
A handy-dandy home remedy that you probably have laying around the house somewhere.
And SOooo much cheaper than the usual fare.
From now on, I'm going to place a tube of paste right next to my Hemorrhoid Cream ... which does a bang-up job of reducing my under-eye bags.
L.
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