Snowman Serenity

Have you ever heard the humorously ironic phrase "Serenity Now!" ?
Well.
I've been stomping around the house asking for it!
Yes.
There has been a lot going on.
And yes - we are traveling today in a snow storm.
But I sat down with my son and we watched The Snowman on DVD.
And I think my demands were met!

I feel good.
I hope you do too.

Merry, Merry Christmas To All!

L.

Metaphor

I think it was the Meatloaf song - Two Out Of Three Ain't Bad - that had the poetic line of "crying icicles instead of tears".

I'd like to say that the metaphor turned literal today and that the Blog has become a haven for authenticating lyrical creativity.

But alas, the photos are just of Jack's Dad - outside in minus 40 wind chill conditions - shoveling yet another round of immense snow.
The tears are nothing but frozen sweat.
Frozen.
Much like the rest of him.
No tears, I'm afraid. Just ice.

Ah ... well.
It's probably the closest we'll ever get.


L.

Another Fun Day!

I'm in the Christmas mood!
And I've been trawling through childhood Christmas memories.
I came across a classic sketch from days of yore - and it mirrors my morning routine for today perfectly.
Take a look and see ...

P.S. I was the character wearing glasses! Only - I have more hair!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=EFgdhZGLJrY

Move over Proactive ®

As I'm sure we all know, in today's crippling economy, it is tough to keep up with the cost of the latest and greatest leading beauty solutions. Especially if your need for "solutions" is as prolific as mine.
So, given that necessity is the Mother of Invention - and I have nothing if not an all-consuming necessity - I set forth on a quest to "treat" my ever-growing pustule problem with, perhaps, a lesser branded zit removal option that I could afford.

Now, before you all start shouting "Tea Tree Oil" or "Peroxide" or "Surgical removal - Hell, just lance that puppy right off," I must inform you that we are currently undergoing a cold spell that is SOoooo frigid and icy that it really restrains any plans that involve not only going outside the home - but any plans that potentially involve any movement away from the home.

It is SOooo cold that I actually considered and then executed the crazy idea of just standing outside to see if I could undergo a kind of natural cryosurgical removal of my own.

My finger nails turned black, my eyes froze in a general eastward gaze and my breath solidified in the approximate area of my lungs making it hard to exhale.
But my defiant and hardy pustule was not phased in the least. In fact, it stood more grandly to attention - more radiant than before. Preservation by freezing, I guess.

So that didn't work.
And my left nostril is still malfunctioning.

But moreover, proving my point that it is too darn cold to go and buy ANYTHING - from ANYWHERE - natural or not.

So.
To phase two.
My usual phase, by the way, in this kind of climate.
Well... In any kind of climate.
I default to the computer and search.

I clicked through lemon juice and orange peel and cucumber and vinegar and alcohol swabs and eye of newt. But nothing caught my attention until I came to ... TOOTHPASTE.

No ordinary toothpaste, if you please. But toothpaste with "Whitening" and "Cavity Protection" and preferably "Mouth Wash" and not "liquidy" but "congealy" and "sticky".
All these properties, so I was informed, would act as an anti-bacterial and an anti-inflammatory. Which would engulf my throbbing pustule and murder it unwittingly by slowly cutting off it's air supply and killing the army of red, angry cells surrounding the base and starving the colony as a whole in to a slow and withering death.

Sounded just about right.

And lucky me, I had just the very, exact, necessary toothpaste in my closet.
What a stroke of luck!
Crest with Whitening with Scope!
(Insert visual of toothy, white grin with a ping and a flash).

But here's where it gets serious - well, mostly.
It actually works!
The recommendation was to leave the "affected" area covered overnight. The only downside being that you will smell just lovely and minty fresh all night long.
Ooh ... I think that was their attempt at humor...
But someone had obviously not thought of the fact that the paste may get all over your bed sheets - or your dog - or your mannequin - or whatever else you have in your bed at night.
So I overcame this minor hurdle by wearing MY paste during the day time.
I wasn't going anywhere.
My son was at school.
I had the full eight hours to devote.
And the only person mildly surprised was the UPS guy delivering a Christmas package - and I'm sure he's seen much worse in his time.

Then, I took it off to sleep.
Put it back on again the next day.
And what da ya know ... ?

Do you remember how the Wicked Witch of The West seemed to implode and evaporate once doused in water?
Well.
That was my zit.
Only when the zit was gone, there were no dramatic visual effects. No crumbling flakes of ash-like skin or swirling smoke indicating that the evil had been defeated.

But it WAS gone.

And there you have it.
A handy-dandy home remedy that you probably have laying around the house somewhere.
And SOooo much cheaper than the usual fare.

From now on, I'm going to place a tube of paste right next to my Hemorrhoid Cream ... which does a bang-up job of reducing my under-eye bags.

L.

Muppet Fun

Roll on up! Shameless promotion over here! Come and get some!

But I have to say that it just would not be Christmas for me without watching this classic movie (over and over and over) ... my poor, dear child ... oh, the things I put him through...

And before you dismiss this Magical Muppet Movie as something "just for the kids", I think you should know that I only saw this movie for the first time when I was thirty two - yes, that's thirty two big ones. Thirty Two Christmases Past - when my son was two years old.
He did not understand a word, of course, and probably fell asleep on my lap. But I was enamored. Taken through an amazingly colorful, Christmassy world, full of quick one-liners and the best cast of characters ever.
Michael Caine played Scrooge.
And I'm certain that this is who Dickens had in mind when he wrote the part.

Christmas is for kids. Be a kid for an afternoon or grab a kid for the afternoon and sit down with your Hot Chocolate and your cookies and your bottle of Jack Daniels and watch and learn as the Christmas Spirit over takes you!

L.

It's Back!

It's back!!
Well, actually ... it never truly went away.
But now it's returned and it has brought the Cavalry with it.
Captain pustule is now surrounded by a red, angry, inflamed posse just waiting to obliterate my already waning self-esteem.
The wagons are circled and it doesn't look good.

And with Christmas only a few days away!

It's a good thing that we are going to stay with our best friends or the trip would be canceled.

Just to put it into perspective - the photos are not actually me - BUT - take the picture of the elephant-sized white and yellow headed ball of death and place it in the approximate nasal location of the other picture where you see red (that's it - right on the tip of the nose, in direct full view) - and you have ME.

L.

WrestleMania

Fun Day Friday Again!!!

And here is the photographic evidence of an age-old, well-circulated theory about children and toys. You know ... buy them all the cool gifts in the world and all they really want is to play with the packaging.

I can't tell you how many video games my son has or how many DVD's he owns.
But I can tell you that there is nothing more fun for him than coming home from school, dropping his back-pack and barreling into his Dad like a bull seeing red on the streets of Spain.
I see red when I see his Dad too. And I also have the desire to go barreling in like a crazed bull on a deadly mission ...
But I think my reasoning differs from his ...

L.

Darnd-est Things

I think that all Mom's and Dad's who have a child in school must live in a kind of sub-clinical and constant fear of what may come out of the mouths of their Babes!
When my son started Kindergarten a few years ago, we actually received a packet of information which included a paragraph addressing this issue. Basically saying that they will "ignore" the things that the children say about families and parents as long as the parents apply the same courtesy regarding the teachers (serious abuse issues and the like not withstanding).

When I was many years younger I spent some time as a classroom helper - and still have strong memories of vivid, juicy one-liners, springing forth from the active minds of six year-olds with no censorship capabilities.
Add that the to the fact that I've also studied psychology along the way and am well acquainted with certain theories of "interpretation."
Compound, on top of all this, the fact that I have a child with an imagination so big that it does not adequately fit in to his ten year old brain - and you are left with one very nervous Mom!

I remember watching an old Doris Day Movie where her fictional younger brother had the whole small town in a tizzy after he went to school and told his teacher that his dad was having an affair. Said after seeing his Father "practicing" a kissing scene from an upcoming local theater production ... (not true)
I remember writing my own pulp fiction at the tender age of seven where I announced that our town was on the down-and-out because it was "full of rape and pillage" ... (again not true)
And I also remember a girl by the name of Madeline telling our whole class that she had missed school the day before because her Father had beaten her Mother in the Bathtub and broken her arm ... (plausible?)

So my Son came home last night with his "essay" that I had to "correct" for him before he could go back to school and type the final draft. It was called "Dog Gone Wild."
It begins where he is taking a trip with his Father and his friends to a Motorcycle Race in Indianapolis.
It goes on to describe the mis-deeds of his big, shaggy dog during the journey who ran rampant in the van and ate all their food and valuables.
It then proceeds to describe the "beating-up" of himself by his Father and friends for allowing the dog to be so naughty. And because the Dog loved my son so much he decided to take his canine revenge by eating the entire crowd and all the Motorcycle riders at the race track. Raging through the bleachers screaming "that'll teach 'em!".
And it ends with the classic paternal line of "that's the last time we are ever buying you a dog!"

Well. I wont dignify some of the embellishments by defining the fiction from the reality. I know which parts are true and which are ripped straight from the headlines ...

But,the question here is:
Should I be worried?

L.

Craft: The Spirit of Recycling

I was bouncing around, all over the internet yesterday, looking for holiday recipes and fun things to do when I came across this festive project on a web site called Bethany Actually. It seemed like a perfect craft for the season - and so we decided to give it a try and made the first card by following her tutorial.

We began by gluing tissue paper and sequins on to some foil and then we cut out tree shapes to glue on to the cards. We went on to make the majority of the designs by recycling old gift-wrap scraps, used magazines and some water color paintings little g. did a while ago.
FYI: We tried using paper as the base instead of the foil but that didn't work too well.
We also discovered that Glue-Sticks work best for gluing the paper to the foil; and regular Elmer's glue works best for the sequins.
We thought that these would make nice cards for little g. to give directly to her family and friends. It was also a great way to get little g, and maybe other children, into the spirit of recycling!

C.

School's Out!

School's out!
We got the predicted snow. In fact, we are still getting the predicted snow.
I can see a snow man in our not-too-distant future ... and another man - a man shoveling snow from our driveway. A man wearing a black knit hat and a black and green jacket who will push himself to the edge of a heart-attack, but stop, just before the critical moment hits. But his family will continue to hold out hope ...

I think a future of fortune telling may be in the cards ...

My son was awake at 5 am looking for the school closings, which scroll along the bottom of the television news.
And there were cries of joy when his school's name showed up.


Something I should have predicted and perhaps could have prevented ...
Being woken at 5 am just to be told that we did not have to be awake at 5 am.
Or to be more precise - on the one day where we could have had those extra few hours of sleep that we beg for every morning when getting up for school, we were already awake an extra hour early wondering if school would be closed.
And do you think we went back to sleep?
I don't think you have to have psychic powers to answer that one!
Seems a bit ironic don't you think?

L.

Let the Games Begin!

'Tis the season - and will be for another four months or so - where I have to come up with plenty of ideas for in-home entertainment because no one in my house "does the cold" very well. And when I say cold, I mean Wisconsin Winter Cold - where on a good day it may say Zero on the thermometer but where the wind wants no part of that namby-pamby reading. It is not uncommon for the wind chill to get into the minus 30's and 40's range for days at a time. The windows freeze and we often get snow on the inside of them even though the house is modern and well insulated - except for one closet ... which I will get to in a minute.

Tonight we are expecting twelve to fourteen inches of snow.

So, when you're favorite pass time is not counting how quickly knobs freeze from Brass Monkeys and when you think that ice fishing is what you do when your cubes go down the plug hole instead of into your drink and when the word "ski" is just an extra three letters that you place on the end of a word whilst using a Russian accent - then this is not the time when most of your activities are out-doors.

As you can probably infer from my badly taken photograph, I brought a new game into the home this weekend. Another game to stack on top of the other three hundred and sixty three games that we already have in our un-insulated game closet. It is a game in it's own right when we play "who's going to go to the game cupboard" on really cold days. Rock, Paper, Scissors usually decides that little contest. But mostly, we just drag a pile of games into the Living Room and they sit on the floor until the snow melts and the closet door opens without the aid of an ice pick and some WD40.

But anyway - my intention here is not to bore you with game details. I'm sure you have plenty of your own boring game details to keep you busy.
I just wanted to share something with you and see what you think ...

This is the scenario.
In my home, there are three of us. My Son, his Dad and Me.
Three is not an even number, I know. But it usually means that at times my son and his dad disagree with me; or my son and myself disagree with his dad (the more common scenario); or that when the wind is blowing at a right angle for more than five hours on the third Friday of a month that begins with "C" - his dad and myself agree.
So - why is it that EVERY TIME I bring a new game into the home which I can actually play, enjoy and - better yet - even win a time or two, do they dismiss it as "crap" and refuse to play again?
Is it a "girl" thing? Are my games not "manly" enough? Or do I live with two fragile male ego's that can not handle loss?

Just something to think about ...
But there is one thing I know for sure - whether they like it or not - they WILL play again.
I have my ways of persuasion.
Did anyone ever see the Shining?

Little Pigs, Little pigs ....

L.

Shinola

I felt a bit lost yesterday when I came to the end of my book. I'd spent the last day or two avoiding the bitter, bitter cold by sitting snuggly on my couch reading
Steve Martin's Memoir : "Born Standing Up".
And I was perfectly happy to enjoy the experiences of his world rather than those of my own.

But, as the old saying goes ... all good things must come to an end.
And, as my own saying goes ... but can't we make it last just a little bit longer?


So, with that in mind and given that today is the end of the work week and it's Fun Day Friday again, I thought I'd prolong my Steve Martin experience with a snippet of sage advice from one of my all-time favorite movies ever. The Jerk.

With this little nugget you can never go wrong!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=VsyS0oHLNFA


L.

Let It Snow!

I love waking up on days like today!
Or to clarify, I love waking up on days like today when I know I don't have to go anywhere!
I have the good fortune of being able to walk right out of my bedroom and see a view like this from the top of my stairs.
And I have the added bonus of being able to cozy-up in my extra soft fleece pajamas - thanks Cathy - and watch the snow continue to fall.

I think I'm still in my "I'm so lucky" phase!

(RED)WIRE

My Hero has done it again!
Or at least he has helped in a big, big way.

The first of December has always been a special day for me. It marks the first step in what I always find to be a fun and exciting path to Christmas - but it is also the beginning of the season where I am constantly overcome with emotion, watching what we can do as a people, as a nation, for our fellow humans.
Way over 20 years ago today I sat at home in England watching Bob Geldof and Bono and friends roll up to sing "Do They Know It's Christmas" - and they tried to feed the world.
Here I am today, just as emotional and just as inspired.
I woke up feeling a bit sorry for myself but then the first thing I heard was a new song from the Dixie Chicks called "Lucky Ones" on a new music service web site from (RED).
WE are the lucky ones. I am lucky.

TODAY IS WORLD AIDS DAY.

TODAY THE WORLD'S GREATEST ARTISTS HAVE HELPED LAUNCH (RED)WIRE - A NEW MUSIC SERVICE THAT HELPS FIGHT AIDS IN AFRICA.

As Bono says "If you are a music lover or if you want to join in the fight against AIDS, then sign up.
All it takes is TWO pills a day to keep someone alive.

Take a look and a listen:

www.redwire.com

L.