Weapons Of Mass Destruction

Here they are, Ladies and gentlemen!
Actual weapons of mass destruction.
Laid out in plain sight for you to view.

These photos need to be added to the FBI's Most Wanted List.
Or assigned a position on Mr. Bush's deck of terrorist playing cards - somewhere between the Jack of Diamonds and the Ace of Spades.

It is my absolute belief that Homeland Security should be focusing in on home fitness equipment and exercise DVD's. Because - let me tell you - since using these items yesterday I have been stopped dead in my tracks.
There's no security in my homeland today. And there wont be for some time to come.
I'm worthless!
Useless!
I could secure nothing!
I am literally a sitting target.

These small and seemingly harmless items would be perfect for subduing the enemy.

Yesterday, I actually had the ability to put one foot in front of the other and walk. And not just walk - but walk up my stairs.
Yesterday, I could bend over and pick up crap from the carpet. And not just bend. I could also squat.
Yesterday, I was full of beans, gusto, pep ... or whatever it is that allows you to jump up and down for twenty minutes on a mini - trampoline like a giddy, six year old school girl.

But today ... I am wounded.
Incapacitated.
Effectively disabled.
Basically out of commission.

My body has only two things that remain functionable...
My fingers and my bowels.
And if they made fitness equipment for either of these, I'm sure they would be out of order too.

So. This is how my New Year's Resolution is going.

Once again, I shall keep you updated.


L.