For Your Eyes Only

Before you proceed ... please see Sunday's post! Thank you!

************************************************************************

Now you have looked, you should understand, that one can't speak clearly of the task here at hand.

For were one to speak of, or allude to the game, then one would then utter the unutterable name.

The name of the letter that can not be spoken, for once that was done, all the rules would be broken.

And not that one's ego may begrudge the odd scold, but true effort should be taken to do as we're told.

The rules are the rules and today one must try, to steer clear of a vowel often usurped by a "Y".

The ease of the task may be debatable for sure but the fun to be had can be heartfelt and pure.

Unless you're the prober - the one to oversee - to declare the post acceptable and acknowledged as error free.

Then your task may be more of a chore than a game; but one hopes you'd encounter some joy all the same.

L.

It Seems I've Been Obstructed!

Let me explain.

At dawn today, on her Mia Zucca Post, my dear BFF blogging-buddy Cathy brought out her pistols and challenged me to a Duel (of sorts).

Inspired by a documentary entitled THE FIVE OBSTRUCTIONS, Cathy decided to put Wit-Craft to the test and has laid out a set of five writing "obstructions" - or, as others may see it, a set of five writing "instructions" - which need to be adhered to during the course of the next five posts on the blog.

To put it in Cathy's own words:

"Lindsay, in the next five posts on Wit-Craft you have to follow five obstructions in no particular order:

1. A post that does not contain the letter "i".
2. A post that tells a story without using words.
3. A post that is written as your 16-year-old self.
4. A post that does not use humor.
5. A post that is written as if you were your husband. "

It is a challenge that I willingly accept - with only one question ...

Cathy, whilst reading the blurb on the original FIVE OBSTRUCTIONS, the following anecdote got me to thinking .... It said:
"because Leth failed to complete task #2 perfectly, Von Trier punishes him ..."

May I ask then ...
Will you be using a whip or a ruler?

L.

Public Service Announcement

Look.
I'm here for YOU.
And there are just some things that I really feel y'all ought to know.
So listen up.

Should you EVER be the victim of a vicious Alligator or Crocodile attack, please be aware that you can render that ferocious devil helpless by simply placing a rubber band around his jaw.

Thank You.

Oh. And for those of you with a more inquisitive nature ... it seems that even though the muscles used to close an Alligator or Croc's jaw are of Herculean strength, the muscles used to open the jaw are conversely and equally as weak.

L.

More Croc Facts Here. And yes. Those Tears are REAL.

Stop The Presses!

I LOVE this photo!
The Queen ... copping a feel ...!!!!
Saucy!

L.

Craft: Pom Pom Peeps

I ask you - what is cuter than a baby chick? Not much comes to mind!
Those little fluff balls of cottony adorableness, peeping their way into my heart.
I was obsessed with having my own hatchery when I was little. The hatchery has an aquarium-type of effect on me. Sort of calming and sweet.
You can have a look and see if it has the same effect on you too - right over here.

Today we took some really fluffy yarn I got at Target ages ago in the dollar section; and made these really easy pom pom peeps.
Never made a pom pom before, you say? Well. It's just about as easy as it gets.
I found a nicely illustrated step-by-step set of instructions here.
Here's what you'll need:
Yarn. 2 beads for eyes. Felt for the beak and the feet. And 2 cardboard donuts - one smaller than the other to make the pom poms.
All you do is make the pom poms first and then glue the head on to the body. Then you cut out a triangle for the beak and glue it to the face. Two more triangles can then be glued on for the feet. And finally some more glue is used on the beads to place the eyes. c.

Classified Ad

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

L.

Pinball Wizards and Pinball Widows.

This UGLY little fella is called Rudy.

But he's not as bad as he may look.

He may have been partially responsible for keeping TWO grown men and ONE young boy obsessively occupied for three solid days over the weekend when they could have been interacting with others ...

HOWEVER ... his repetitive mantra of - "YOU'RE MAKING ME VERY UNHAPPY" - which he repeats compulsively, by the way, at least five times a minute for every minute played ... allowed ME to convey MY disdain without opening my mouth once or wasting any breath!!

Thus.
Leaving me totally available to focus all my energy on my other two wonderful BFF's!!!!

L.

Retro Week. Part 4. Friday Photos.

Me Mum gave birth to three bright and bonny, girls.
Not all at the same time, of course.
And the rest is history ...

I was the youngest - and quite obviously the cutest - but the other two held their own!

So.
From top to bottom:

1). Sitting on me Mum's knee.
The thumb didn't come out until I was eleven.

2). Tea - AKA - Dinner or Supper.
Or whatever other terminology you like to give to a finger-licking meal that comes in the evening.
Please note - photo or no photo - my eyes were transfixed by the sausage rolls and have stayed that way since.

3). MY FAVORITE (without the "U". I'm in America now, Mum).
I like to call this one:
Three Heads With Three Swimming Caps and A Boob.
Taken at one of the three trillion BUTLINS HOLIDAY CAMPS we visited over the years.
You can certainly see who is who.
And the perky, shapely boob ...?
Me Mum's.

4). Sharon's First Communion.
Sharon Louise Bernadette. A saintly wee lass.
And the only one of the three who wasn't excommunicated.

5). Bridesmaids And me Mum.
Legend has it that the Bride only wanted ONE of us - but we came as a package deal.
And yes, that is a cast on our Deborah's arm.
Apparently, she tripped over a pin.

So. There it is.
Retro perhaps.
But none of us look any different.

Well, Sharon did change a bit after she had the measles ... but that's a story for another day.

L.

Retro Week. Part 3.

The adult in me was tremendously pleased this week to see that my dear friend Cathy had responded to the "Retro" idea by referencing her own "fair share of trippy, creepy 70's kids t.v." experiences.
But the child inside me wanted to play that timeless school-yard game of "mine is bigger than yours" and let her know that what I had shown was just the tip of the iceberg.

And then I watched her clips - And was rendered mute.

However, not to be outdone, I thought to myself: "Self. I can still play this game...
All I have to do is mention that we had it the worst because we had
MARGARET THATCHER!!!!!!!!
And what could be more damaging to a young child's blossoming psyche than that????"

But then it hit me.
I was muted again.
We may have had Margaret Thatcher but SHE had RONALD REAGAN ....

There was nothing more to say.
Game. Set. Match.

But before picking up my ball and walking away with my head held low, I did find a sort of comfort in the knowledge that we did have one thing that was better, at least in my wounded mind; and that was "Spitting Image"
At least we had a way to to help neutralize the insanity!!

Take a look:

Ronald Reagan Breakfast

Reagan Keeps The Pattern





L.

Retro Week. Part 2.

Watch First (Please).


www.youtube.com/watch?v=OTyjBUoCnKM


In retrospect ...
It's hardly surprising that Britain doesn't have a functioning Space Program when we all grew up watching this.

As it turns out, the concept of "Stop Motion" not only referred to the type of animation used for THE CLANGERS; but it was also the policy adopted by the UK Committee for Space Exploration.

Oh, and Cathy. How's that hot-water-bottle doing?

L.

Retro Week. Part 1.

My Husband is going to be home all week because he's on Spring Break.
And for some strange reason his presence in the home seems to dampen my creative flow and stifle my wit.

Can't think why...

So.
In accounting for circumstances - and making the most of a grim situation, I've decided to do RETRO WEEK!

Retro for me, anyway!

And I'd like you to take a look at these two ads from my more youthful years and ask yourself ONE question:


www.youtube.com/watch?v=r3EyKKjrOk4

www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0ya5kh4_ZM

Is there any WONDER that studies have shown that 95% of women my age or older prefer chocolate over sex?

L.

Philosophical Friday

Wherever you go in the world today, there are many important issues that need to be addressed with varying degrees of urgency.
And although countless households around the globe find themselves asking an assortment of critical and compelling questions on a daily basis, I think there is ONE universal topic of inquiry to which we all crave an answer.

And that is:
IS IT POSSIBLE TO LICK YOUR OWN ELBOW?

My sources say no.

But others beg to differ.

And, as with any other timeless argument that has been debated throughout the ages, we have the usual philosophical entourage ...
Believers and Deniers.
Subscribers and Agnostics.
Purists and Relativists.
Realists and Skeptics.
And of course, we have those who question the very existence of the elbow itself.

We have some who ask: "if the elbow really does exist, then where is the exact location? Is all the elbow bone? Or is all the bone elbow?"
And others who want to know: "If your lick lands near the bone but not on the bone, have you really licked your elbow or did you merely lick your skin?"

There's The Old Wives Tale - if you can lick it, you will live forever.
And.
The Urban Legend - if you DO lick it, you will turn in to the opposite sex. (Could save a fortune on surgery if true).

And then we have myself, who often asks, "If I lick my own elbow and no one is around to see it, did I really lick it at all?"

But no matter what our disagreements may have been in the past, I think that THIS is the weekend we should put an end to all the uncertainty and get a definitive answer once and for all.


So for those of you who'd like to see a group of boys and girls giving it a go, look here.

L

Ecstasy

Oh. My. God!!

YESTERDAY was just AMAZING!!!

Who knew that a Forty-First Birthday could be such a euphoric event???

I was awoken with breakfast - brought thoughtfully to my bed.
I was handed Roses. Beautiful Roses. Dozens. Just for me.
I was serenaded with sweet music as I was lead gently down the stairs.
And I was showered with endless gifts. So many, in fact, that I'm certain there are some still waiting to be opened.
I was taken out for lunch, where my taste-buds jumped for joy.
And I was pampered all day long. Spoiled rotten. Like I was royalty in my own home.
The aroma of my beautifully prepared supper was practically intoxicating.
And my cake, which had been decorated by hand, spelled LOVE with a capital "L".
The evening was so exciting that I felt almost drunk with joy.
And the games we played made me laugh so hard that at times I thought I may never catch my breath again.

OH!
SO VERY, VERY PERFECT!!


And then the drugs wore off.

L.


But in all seriousness ... thank you to everyone who thought about me yesterday. You made me feel very special. And not in the "mentally challenged" kind of way.

Craft: Happy Shiny Day

Happy Birthday Lindsay!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Since your birthday lands on craft day we made you a shiny bouquet of flowers using homemade paint.

To make the paint mix food coloring with sweetened condensed milk. Then draw your flowers on heavy paper using a ball point pet. Paint using a paint brush or Q-tip. When the paint dries it looks really glossy.

Hope you have a super shiny day!

xoxo, c.

Dual Purpose

When faced with today's dilemma, there was only one solution.

You see. Today may be St. Paddy's Day. But it is also Sara's Birthday!!!!

So. Like the gifted multi-tasker I am ... I combined the two.

And what better way to celebrate both wonderful events than have my Irish Husband, Bono, sing Happy Birthday to my awesome friend Sara?

So. Here he is ... and be careful, if you blink - you'll miss it!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=tTWgwCwCzjE

Happy St. Patrick Sara's Birthday!!!

L.x

For You!

L.

Frustrated on Friday

I'VE GONE FROM THIS ...






TO THIS ...







I really think it's time for me to find a new hairdresser.

L.

Yeah. What he Said ...

I don't have to think about what I'm going to say today.
Because Lewis Black did all the work for me during his "Back in Black" segment on The Daily Show last night..

And I quote ...

"Of course, in tough times, the one thing we can count on is the strength of our National Character ...
At McDonald's - sales are up.
Alcohol sales across the country are also up.
In one of the worst economies in our lifetimes, gun sales are the highest on record in the U.S.

GOD BLESS AMERICA!

It's nice to know that in times like these - we - as a country, fall back on what we do best.
EATING AND DRINKING OURSELVES TO DEATH AND SHOOTING ANYONE WHO TRIES TO STOP US!!!"

I think Lewis and myself may have been separated at birth.


L.

You can see the whole clip here.