Craft: Mood Lighting

There's nothing I love more than a nicely lit room, all soft and glowing and flattering to the face. I love the warm glow that tree lights give off. So today we made mini Chinese paper lanterns in shades of pink for Valentine's Day and fixed them on to the tree lights.
I used some scrap booking paper I got at JoAnn because the weight of the paper was perfect and the patterns are great.

Supplies:
Text weight paper
Scissors
Glue
Strand of tree lights

1. Cut out strips of paper that are 2 1/2 " x 5 1/2"
2. Fold these paper strips in half
3. Then cut slits in the fold - but do not go all the way to the edge - (see my photo)
4. Next, put glue on one end and wrap the other end around so that each end comes together and sticks, to make the lantern
5. Finally, cut thin strips of paper about 3" long
6. Use these strips to glue the lanterns on to the lights

C.

Rebuttal

Without any hesitation, I feel that I MUST use the high profile status and world-wide forum of this blog to rebut my dear, dear friend and her misguided comments on our other
Blog: Mia Zucca .

Although my love for her will never, ever wane - even when she is in her most delusional of moments (as she must obviously have been whilst watching the Grammy's the other day) - I feel duty bound and guided by the moral hand of truth when I declare unto you that my "real" Husband - AKA Bono - looks NOTHING like my "actual" Husband.
Not even on the days when my corneas have been torched and my retinas scoured.

And furthermore, that my dearest friend - despite her claims of sobriety - must, in all honesty, have been lawfully intoxicated or at the very least under the despicable spell of SOME form of hallucinogenic ... even if not detectable by the usual blood or urine standards. And even if ingested unknowlingly.


Cathy. My dear. I speak to you calmly.
It was just the glasses!
And perhaps the "strut" was just your memory playing tricks on you. No doubt you were confusing this "strut" with the awkward manner of ambulation adopted by Donald after consuming a Boddington's beer ... when he is trying his hardest to defiantly get to the fridge for his second beer without looking like the light-weight drinker that he really is.
Not like my "real" husband, may I add ... whom I'm sure could and would handle his liquor in a tremendously manly fashion.

Please. For all the viewers and listeners out there. Look at the photos posted above.

The defense rests.


I DO agree with you, however, that M.I.A. looked spectacular - despite some reviews to the contrary. (But what do these people know?)
And I would also like to concur with your thoughts regarding Alison Krauss. Hastening to add that the new album, Raising Sand, with Robert Plant is a work of pure genius.
In fact. You all should buy it or listen to it here.

L.

Weekend Workout

And no folks ...
I truly did NOT do any form of exercise over the weekend - or anything whatsoever that may have come even remotely close to an activity resembling the slightest amount of physical exertion.

I did do a workout, though...

I worked out that IF you were to eat ALL your recommended daily allowances of vitamins and minerals; and if you were to consume the recommended amounts of iron, calcium, fiber, "good" carbs, mono-unsaturated fats, fruits, veggies, nuts, seeds, oils, protein, whole grains, omega 3's, 6's, 9's, spices, herbs, thermogenics, cholesterol zappers, metabolism boosters and all the anti-oxidants it would take to regenerate your cells on a daily basis ... even if you were to combine foods and reduce them to bare minimums ...
You'd have to eat about EIGHT THOUSAND, THREE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY THREE CALORIES a day.

Or something like that amount.

And there would not be ONE Lamb Kebab or Chocolate Cake included.

Bummer.

L.

Craft: Spud Love

The potato is so versatile and there are few people out there that don't love them but when was the last time you printed with one? It's an easy and inexpensive way to get great results. Something wonderful happens when the paint meets the potato starch and voila, a really nice print.

In the spirit of Valentine's day we are printing hearts on t-shirts. Today I took two of g's plain shirts and turned them into something she can wear on Valentine's Day.

What you'll need:
Fabric Paint
Potato(s)
Cookie cutter (or you can draw freehand)
Knife and spoon for carving
T-shirt
Embroidery floss (optional)
Sheet of paper or cardboard

Cookie cutters work really well, you just simply push them through the potato. We used both the negative and positive sides to print on the shirts.
If you are carving the potato you might want to etch the outline of the heart into the potato first and then carve away the heart shape.
Next, spread some fabric paint out on a plate or pallet and stamp the potato in the paint. Do a practice stamp or two on some paper first so that you get the feel of it.
Before you actually do the printing, slip a piece of paper or cardboard inside the shirt so that the paint does not seep through to the back side.
Once you are ready, carefully press the potato down on the shirt.
Lift off slowly so that you do not move or smear the paint.

After our shirts dried, I used embroidery floss to create French knots around the heart. If you don't know how to make French knots there is a nice video tutorial here. c.

Two Wheeled Trivia

I was listening to one of Bill Bryson's History Books on CD as I cooked supper the other day.

Did you know that the term "Road Hog" was originally applied in 1893 to describe Bicyclists?!!

Can you imagine how narrow the roads must have been back then to have a svelte piece of metal with two paltry wheels hindering people from getting by?

It boggles the mind ...

L.

What Superbowl?

The Pittsburgh Steelers may have set a record last evening when they won The Superbowl Title for the sixth time.

But that was of no concern to me.

I set a record of my own.

I do pride myself on my consistent and insistent avoidance of this, the All-American of all American games; but yesterday I even outdid myself!

Despite the Television saturation of everything and anything football.
Despite being bombarded for weeks with party ideas and tips.
Despite my son's continuous rambling of all that is game related;
and despite the fact that I cooked a grand bowl of super supper and whipped up a half time dessert that would have made the crowd go
wild ...

I managed to successfully avoid every damn minute of the game.

For that I am proud.
And I even won a prize!
I made a bet with my son that the Steelers would win with a score of 27.
And that's EXACTLY what they did!!
Or at least this is what I am told - since I'm now avoiding all post-game coverage too!

L.

Please Stand By

I can not tell you how many times I stared at this Test Card as a child.
I was convinced that the girl in the middle was me.
I should elaborate further here and tell you that I was convinced that many faces in famous places were me ... ranging from advertising photos to roles with Norman Wisdom in the Old Black and White Movies.
I used to wonder why I did not remember actually being there for the photo-op or at the movie set; but told myself that my parents - (if they really were my parents) - must have drugged me or hypnotized me somehow so that my fame would not interfere with my normal life.
I'd like to say that this phase withered proportionally as my body continued to grow - but there was another stage that emerged before puberty finally hit.
A stage where I was certain that my life was being filmed.
For whom? I do not know.
But those hidden cameras were taking the best of shots as they were capturing every moment "Live from The Living Room" at Bowston - where my mouth was usually somewhere very close to a microphone.

I'm sure there is much to be made of these admissions.
But I'm not in the mood for that today.

I put the Test Screen up as a way to indicate that I'm starting my Fun Day Friday right now - so please, stand by or check back next week!

P.S. Here is a link to the BBC Test Card Gallery and History. It's worth a look for some fun this Friday!

L.

No News Is Good News

In the glorious absence of the hideous, blundering idiot - otherwise known as George W Bush - the U.S. 24-Hour News Cycle Media is at a complete and total loss.

You know they're digging deep and coming up empty-handed when the only "scandal" they can pull from the depths of The White House trash, is that Rahm Emanuel likes to crack his knuckles for fun.

OOOOOooooooooh.


Imagine that!
What a crazy world it's becoming ...
When the only thing the news media have to report right now is ... well ... ACTUAL news.

L.

Craft: For the Birds

Do you hear that? Grumble, grumble, rumble, grumble. It's the sounds of hunger coming from our fine, feathered friends. It's the middle of Winter and it's time to treat your local birds to a tasty snack!

Today g. and I made a bird snack shack. We go through an enormous amount of milk in my house between the lattes, cappuccinos, sippy cups and cereal. Ah ... the cereal, or should I say men and their cereal ... I could and should dedicate a whole post just to that.
Anyway, pull one of your discarded milk cartons from the recycling bin and join us in making this really simple bird feeder. It only takes about 15 minutes and the birds will thank you for it!

What you'll need:
Milk carton
Scissors
Paint
Decorations (optional)
Hole punch
String or wire

Wash and thoroughly rinse the milk carton. Using the scissors, cut an opening in the front of the carton. To make a ledge cut on either side of the bottom opening - about 1/4 inch down - and fold back the flap. Paint the outside of the bird house with latex paint. Decorate with paint, sequins, glitter, stickers, etc. Fill with seed. Using the hole punch, punch a hole in the top center of the carton and use string to secure to a branch.
Then let them eat seed! c.

The Profane

I'm going to swear now ...

So. If you are one of those individuals who does not like profanity of any kind for any reason, then now is the time for you to take the kids and exit the room.

Here I go...

I'm Fucking freezing!

There. I said it.

L.

Deja New Year!

Today is the first Day of The Chinese New Year!
So, for those of you like myself who really need more than one chance a year to start fresh, today is your lucky day!
I like the idea of the Chinese system - basing their calendar on the Lunar cycle - because I feel an affinity with the moon.
I'm affected by the odd bit of lunacy myself.
Or perhaps more than the odd bit.

It's especially evident on the days when I howl the loudest.

But the fact that this New Year is going to actually be longer than a year intrigues me too. It may start today but does not end until February 2010.
Hey. That's more 'year' for your buck!
And I enjoy a good deal.

In all seriousness, though, it is the Year of The Ox. And according to what I read this morning, the fact that the "Ox Year" begins before and ends after February 5th means that this year has "eyes".
That is, this year will be a time when you can be especially aware of the influences of both the past and the future.
Moreover, you will be able to access wisdom from the past and have foresight for the future.

Which makes this year the EXACT year I need ...
because now - I'll be especially aware that the very same nagging (gentle persuasion) that has had no influence on my husband's behavior in the past will have just as little influence on his behavior in the future.

Great!
I will now have the foresight to save my energy for something better.

L.

Not so fun Friday

OK.
I know I probably talk about age, or the fun of aging, a bit more than some other (normal) people ... but I think it is because I hit the 40 mark last year - and I really noticed a serious difference between the "before" and "after". Almost as if, at the stroke of Midnight on that fateful day, my skin and bones let out a serious sigh of relief and walked off the job forever.
Never to return.
And now I have no help in keeping the wrinkles at bay and the bags from sagging.

Thus, like a hopeless idiot - or perhaps just a desperate idiot - I signed up last week on Oprah.com to get some "helpful tips on staying youthful".
Now, I'm not talking plastic surgery or botox or the like. Just, you know, eating habits, exercise tips and perhaps a bit of information on skin care, since I must be the only person in the Northern Hemisphere who does not cleanse or tone or wear sun-screen.
Shame on me.
However, if you knew my husband, you might understand my sunscreen rebellion.
But I digress.

So. This Fun Friday morning I went onto the site to check out the advice from Oprah's Friends (that's what they are called on her site - "Oprah's Friends").

The mission?
To feel better about myself.
Thinking that if I could work to increase my self esteem, then the rest would fall into place.

With the morning still being no where near from over, I had found out - courtesy of Dr. Oz's Real Age test - that I'm many years older than what the calendar actually tells me.
And for that, Dr. Oz, I thank you.
But then, as if that wasn't bad enough, I pointed and clicked on this little article about aging (some of which I have copied for you here):

You will probably get a full coat of down on your face, and a long stray hair here and there on your chin. The hair on your head will probably get thin, as will your eyebrows and eyelashes. (Oh, I nearly forgot—your pubic hair, too.) You'll get spots on your hands and bunions on your feet. Your nose and ears may appear to have grown out of proportion to your face. And that expression "long in the tooth" will endearingly apply to you: A receding gum line will make your teeth look bigger.…

Basically then - at that very moment when my teeth become a tool for drawing side-walk art without bending over - my mirror will be reflecting a balding but bearded Real-Life Mr. Potato Head. Complete with mouldy,rotten brown spots; deep, irreversible shriveling; and a myriad of toxic sprouts.

Well.
My self esteem has been boosted.

Happy Fun Day Friday, Everyone.

L.

Craft: Tiny Trash Town

Recycling paper is a common theme in my crafts. I get overwhelmed when I stop and think about how much paper goes to waste. It's nothing new, we've all thought about it at one time or another. I'm sure most of us are careful to use only what we need and recycle.

Today I was thinking about the mass mailer machine. You know - all of those 20% off big box store fliers, carpet cleaning offers and phone service deals that keep landing in your mail box? You don't sign up for them and you don't really know how to stop them.

So I decided to use a few I had laying around to create a tiny trash town. It's a modified version of the holiday paper town but it's actually more fun. We really enjoyed seeing how the patterns would unfold. My daughter loves making these. They look cute on my desk too.

I have a new pattern available here with instructions. This pattern fits nicely on all those mass mailer post cards we get. You can always enlarge the pattern on your copier for bigger buildings. c.

Peace in The Valley

If you don't live in the US of A, then it may be hard to grasp the real magnitude and deeper meaning of today.

All I can say is that it's like the sun coming out after nearly a decade of darkness.
A light shining on a brand new day!

As a black man, Barack Obama's run for the Presidency was inevitably linked to a disgraceful and oppressive history.

But today is not only symbolic because America has finally come to a place where the majority no longer accept the oppressive, bullshit rhetoric of the past; but because America has also come to a place where the majority no longer accepts the oppressive, bullshit rhetoric of George Bush and Dick Cheney and all the other criminals of their regime who kept this country mentally enslaved and in the dark for so very, very long.

We will all be freed today.

12:01pm can't come soon enough!

Happy Inauguration Day!

L.

Forget Waldo ...

Who needs Waldo when we have Bono?


"Where's Waldo", also known as "Where's Wally" in the UK and "Where's (insert name of choice)" in twenty-eight other countries, is now a North American Media Franchise adapted from the original books by Martin Handford.

In 1986, Handford was approached to create a book of his artwork; and to tie each scene together he came up with the idea to insert a "distinctive" traveler into each scene for readers to find.

Waldo became a huge pop-culture character in the early 1990's in the US.
And "Waldo-mania" took over.

What I am suggesting here ... in this new Era of ours ...
Is to REVISE the original idea and replace the fictional traveler known as Waldo with the very real and handsome, slash, heroic traveler, known as Bono!


And I'm thinking it would work!! Because -


Tell me?

Is there ANYONE

With whom

BONO

Has NOT been photographed????



I didn't think so.


L.

Objection!

You have GOT to be kidding me!!!!!!
Take a look at this because it's a Fun Day Friday Faux Pas if ever I've seen one.

According to today's Guardian, Boy George is going on a fifteen month hiatus courtesy of Her Majesty. That is, fifteen months in The Slammer for falsely imprisoning a male escort by handcuffing him to a wall and beating him with a metal chain.

Now.
It's not the fact that his male "escort" was acquired via a website called "Gaydar."
And it's not the fact that the escort was invited into Boy George's bedroom after a naked photo session, during which they took cocaine.
It's not even the fact that there was a handy, dandy box of leather straps, chains and sex toys conveniently lying around, which - and I'm going to go out on a limb here - just might possibly have been there to inflict a teeny-weeny, insy-winsy little bit of flirtatious pain on a naked, coked-up escort from "Gaydar"...

But, No! It's not any of those things...

It's the fact that in an esteemed court of law, in a high profile case, where special care should be taken in the choosing of one's words, that the Prosecution was allowed to ask this question of the jury ... They asked:

"Did he really have to hurt him?"

Aw - come on!
Where's the Due Process here?

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury ... I OBJECT!

L.

P.S. Just to take the irony a step further, sneak a peek at the beginning of the original video ... do you think Boy George could see into his future?
www.youtube.com/watch?v=BipSyjcQ8K0

Cabin Fever

I know what you're thinking.
You're wondering why there is a black and white photo of a grown man looking remarkably similar to Hannibal Lecter positioned above another black and white photo of a mischievous but handsome ten year old boy, about to do something that he damn well knows he should not be doing.

So let me explain...

In modern day Film Theory and Criticism, the use of black and white images is a way to indicate a "divorce from reality." Sort of an "alternate existence." A place where life has been drained of color and vigor and variety. A world, where perhaps, one might go crazy or do insane things given the right set of circumstances and a suitable trigger.

And that, boys and girls, basically sums up my household these days.

School is once again canceled. I have both boys at home right now.
With the wind chill taken in to account, the temperatures have set up camp somewhere between the instant-frost-bite and immediate-rigor-mortis range . And the bone chilling temperature of minus 42 was communicated this morning as the warmer temp of the day by our scrawny and balding weather man.

It's not the first of these days. It's not even the first of these weeks. We have had nothing but snow and cold since mid November. And it is taking its toll.

So.
Devoid of color, vigor and variety; and bestowed with the right set of circumstances and suitable triggers ..

Mr.Lecter has been wandering the halls of our mansion wearing his nasal strips for over a week now.
The handsome ten year old boy has been writing threatening e-mails to himself!
And then responding!
And I've been going from room to room, scraping the snow and ice from the inside of the windows just to see how long it takes to come back.

I think "divorced from reality" pretty much sums us up.
And I'm sure that we are operating in a truly "alternate existence."
I just can't help but think that the term "Cabin Fever" sounds so much more like an Hawaiian Elvis movie than a state of Winter despair.

L.

U - Bend

I'm actually scaring myself today.
I'm sitting here, in front of my computer - fingers at the ready for typing - and I'm about to publish a post entitled "U-bend".

I ask you ... when did my life take this frightening turn?
And how come I can't pin-point the date?
In all seriousness, you'd think there would have been some kind of self awareness as I was lifting my legs over the fence from the free world of youthful dreams to the mundane, menopausal world of toilet cleaning.

I mean, who actually says out loud : "Eureka! That's it!! I've made a decision to conquer my fears about judgment and do a blog. And I'm going to post ... about U-bends"?

Apparently - I do.
I say that aloud.
And here I am.

Did you know, that out there in the plumbing world, we not only have U-bends but we also have S-bends and J-bends? Multiple shapes of pipes located below or within a plumbing fixture.
J-bend ... sounds more like an assumed rap artist name that my son would come up with.
Or perhaps, his future work identity. As his current plan is to be a professional football player first; but if that doesn't work out he wants to be a plumber second.

But did you also know that because of its shape, the U-bend "trap" will retain a small amount of water after the fixture has been used (thanks Wikipedia).
And furthermore, because it is a "localized low point" in the plumbing fixture ... it also tends to catch objects (such as jewelry) or collect sundries like hair, sand and other debris.
The word shit springs to mind here.

Wikipedia tells us that "for all these reasons, most traps can either be disassembled for cleaning or they provide some sort of cleanout feature."

Well. In my budget conscious bathroom, I am the provided cleanout feature!
And I'm about to clean mine out.
Hence - the inspiration for the post.

I'm thinking that ... perhaps ... I need to get out more.


L.